Is this a question that “normal” people find themselves asking, over and over again? It’s possible…But we, of the diagnoses, are forced to wonder it, and to ask it. Because we feel that we are not enough. Because we worry that we are a burden. Because we question everything that we do and think. Because, at times, our illness overtakes our lives.
Just as it can be difficult to accept a compliment without denying its truth, it can be very hard to accept that someone truly loves us, because why would they? We are sick, we are often negative and sad, or otherwise cannot contain our thoughts and energy. We are, we worry, ugly and fat and stupid. Or so our minds are telling us. We are not worthy of love, to begin with. And so, when someone professes their love to us, we balk. We stare in amazement. We cannot believe our ears. And we end up repeating the same question, time and time again: “Do you love me?” Do you really? Do you still?
Why would you love me, when I make your life so difficult? Why would you love me, when half the time I act like someone else? It doesn’t matter what you say, since we won’t believe you anyway. And yet, your response is incredibly important.
Because we need your love, perhaps more than anyone else. We need your support. We need you to answer the question, every time we ask it, with a resounding YES.
Because after all, when you gave birth to me, or when you met me, you loved me for who I was. And, when I can be, that is still who I am.
Do you love me? You do. Why do you love me? You tell me that I am kind, that I am funny, that I am brave, that I am beautiful. And, sometimes, I believe you.