Not Free: Original Song and Lyrics

This is a song I wrote about a year ago, frustrated and feeling trapped by my Bipolar Disorder. It is very hard to know that it will always be there, and that I often can’t trust the thoughts in my own head. That I have to take pills every day just to stay safe, and that I have to accept my limitations, which, most days, are many. The lyrics are below, following the audio file.

Not Free

I was looking away,
The way I often do
When you’re talking to me
Trying to get through
It wasn’t safe in my head
For the longest time
It wasn’t something you said,
I just forgot that I’m

Not free, I never will be
I’m not free, I never will be

I was thinking about
The decision that I make
When I swallow that pill,
Giving my life away
I was trying to live
Like I was someone else
I was trying so hard
To not accept myself

‘Cause I’m not free, I never will be
No I’m not free, I never will be

Sleep too much or I can’t sleep
Racing thoughts or misery
There’s no cure for this disease
And I will never be…

There’s a voice inside my head
Saying this will come again
I may seem a lot like me
But I will never be

Free, I never will be
‘Cause I’m not free, I never will be

Free, I never will be
No I’m not free, I never will be…

 

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