I didn’t wait for you to die before I mourned you. Because, in my mind, you were already gone. In my mind, everything was gone, and I was only left with myself, helpless in every way, unable to do anything … Continue reading The Fear
“I love you, but I want to die.” It’s something I have said inside my head, but never to you. Because how could I love you, if I want to die? You have heard me say I want to die, … Continue reading Staying Alive for Love
You said it was all over, you were going to leave. You couldn’t stand it anymore: the ups and downs, the low self-esteem, the whining. You couldn’t stand me anymore. You didn’t know how you had held on for so … Continue reading The Conversation that Never Happened
Sometimes I wonder if it’s my own fault when I’m depressed. Shouldn’t I have seen it coming? And if I did, what if I had acted differently to prevent it from getting worse? I shouldn’t have crawled back into bed. … Continue reading Is it My Fault I’m Depressed?
I have a bottle containing five Ativan pills, in case of emergency. There are only five because I am afraid that I might try to overdose if I had a month’s supply. I previously had thirty pills, and I became … Continue reading Sometimes You Need to Take the Ativan