He returns with a pair of boxing gloves, holds up a pillow from the couch. “Punch it,” he says. “Beat the depression up.” Crying harder now, I take a pathetic swing at the pillow. It’s not that this isn’t helping; … Continue reading Fighting Depression with Love
I feel tears drip down my cheeks and hear them fall onto the pillowcase. I wonder: can you hear them too? My hair is damp, my ears, cheeks, and neck wet. I cry for the loss of normalcy my illness … Continue reading If I Tell You Everything
“I love you, but I want to die.” It’s something I have said inside my head, but never to you. Because how could I love you, if I want to die? You have heard me say I want to die, … Continue reading Staying Alive for Love
You said it was all over, you were going to leave. You couldn’t stand it anymore: the ups and downs, the low self-esteem, the whining. You couldn’t stand me anymore. You didn’t know how you had held on for so … Continue reading The Conversation that Never Happened
I’m thinking it, but somehow I just can’t say it. I can reach for you; I can hold your hand. But I can’t say those words. You have an appointment. Maybe even a very important one. But you have to realize that this is more important: it’s a matter of life and death. If I can realize it, you can too. Or maybe you have to learn it. This is the first time, but it won’t be the last.
You are on your way somewhere else, going out, for that thing you have to do. You think I’m not feeling great, but I’ll be okay, like I usually am after a while. You let go of my hand, edge toward the door so you can put on your jacket.
What happens if you leave?